Dead Along With Hope And Faith

Wow i like it a lot :)
5/5

I loved it
for some strange reason (no offense)
i loved it!

The rhyme scheme for a Pantoum is AbAb which you have not adhered to in this attempt. I agree with Rikki that you should not begin a line with And. It is an unnecessary filler word.

The poem was good it had some great visuals but it was rather resunant and lead to really the same thing. I think if you said alittle bit more about the emotions or the surroundings the work would have a more powerful appeal to it just a thought keep trying. Plot121

Hey! Here goes

First Stanza:

"The cross lays on the ground, dirty
it's stepped on by everyone who passes
It matters not, now that she's gone
dead along with her hope and faith"

- Love the wording in this, and love the fact that there are no unimportant fillers used.

Favourite line: "It matters not, now that she's gone"

^ enjoyed this one, as it sounds really sophisticated. =]

Second Stanza:

"It's stepped on by everyone who passes
just as if it were a menacing bug crawling
Dead along with her hope and faith
and the blood still stains the sidewalk"

- Use of metaphors, excellent. and the use of the 'blood stain' on the side walk. very well done.

Favourite line: "dead long with her hope and faith"

^ enjoyed this one! as it shows the death present, and that her hope and faith are also gone, too... very well done. =]

Third Stanza:

"Just as if it were a menacing bug crawling
it sends those bothersome shivers up your spine
And the blood still stains the sidewalk
but not one person even notices anymore"

- Menacing bug... well done! haha. and the shivers. its giving me shivers as it is! =]
And the blood still stains the sidewalk. also good!

Favourite line: "but not one person notices anymore"

^ really makes me sad, but it is well used! =]

Fourth Stanza:

"It sends those bothersome shivers up your spine
makes you remember the day it took place
But not one person even notices anymore
'cause now she's dead along with her hope and faith"

- Ahh very well done. Really sad. loved the way the poem in set out!

Favourite line: "'cause now she's dead along with her hope and faith"

^ maybe because its the same as above, but i realllly like this line! =]

Poem Conclusion:

Very well done! Loved it. made me really sad, but also loved the set out! Well done for your first time with this style of poems!
Aced it! =]

Also, a 5/5 and a vote! =]

Well done!

xx
Nic
xx