Anti-Everything

by Steven Topaz   Sep 9, 2008


I sit here dreading,
All the laughter and joy.
While I'm thinking
of a much greater ploy

Dividing the heart.
Dividing the sin.
Starting to reveal,
The humanity within.

I walk here silently,
Devoured and cold.
Thinking about life,
And how it is getting old.

Devaluing Life,
Devaluing mind.
Trapping our souls.
It a demonic Bind.

I cry here dreading,
All of the false love.
As I fall down in vein,
As my heart keeps bleeding,
I wonder if I'm still sane.

I lay here dying,
As the world just walks by,
This is better then crying.
Despite the world before.

As my last words
Sliver from my blood dried lips.
I say screw you world.
As my heart is worn out and sore.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Jessie

    Awesome, but i Would have made the last line ryme it would have had more effect

  • 17 years ago

    by ShootingStar179

    Wow I was never this depressed when I was 14. Jeez. Well since you said not to take it easy because you're "an adult in the forums", I'll treat you like an adult here.

    Your rhymes seem a bit forced. Especially the first two, "joy" and "ploy"

    And you kinda killed the flow in the fifth stanza, when you added a line. With that, you also ended the rhyme scheme. Why?

    "Devaluing Life,
    Devaluing mind.
    Trapping our souls.
    It a demonic Bind."

    I think this idea is really good. The last line is a bit confusing. Try something like this,

    "Life drags on,
    devaluing mind,
    Trapping our souls,
    In it's ever demonic bind."
    -A thought, take it or leave it.

    "As my last words
    Sliver from my blood dried lips.
    I say screw you world.
    As my heart is worn out and sore."
    -Add some quotes when you say something.

    "As I fall down in vein,"
    -I believe it would be in 'vain', not vein.

    "Despite the world before"
    -Yeah, I'm confused. What are you talking about with this line?

    You have very defined emotion, now work on that technique and you'll be on your way to great material.

    :)

  • 17 years ago

    by 4EvErMaKeBeLiEvE

    I cry here dreading,
    All of the false love.
    I know what you mean, that was really incredible.

  • 17 years ago

    by RussianRendezvous

    Ooooo Nicely done my friend : )

    beautifully bleak, I'm sure this took alot of your chest. You put alot of heart into this. It's amazing.

  • 17 years ago

    by Steven Topaz

    Opps yeah its how

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