You Took My Hand

"You took my hand in yours
I didn't know what to say.
You had no idea what it did to me.
You took my breath away."

-- This is super cute. I'm not a big fan of the the word "you" being in three out of the four lines. Also, you have periods at the end of three of the four lines. I think you should have them at the end of all, or none. Some sort of pattern or something.

"The way you look at me
With those loving brown eyes
Leaves me feeling faint
Makes me feel so mesmerized."

-- Ah. Beautiful word choice. Also, I like your rhyming. The emotion seems real and true. Again, though - punctuation.

"You're much more than a friend
You're my perfect soul mate.
The way you came into my life,
It must have been fate."

-- Cute. I liked the rhyming here, too. But now.. you've added a comma. I think you should stick with a common pattern throughout the poem with your punctuation.

"You're all I see, all day long,
You're always on my mind.
If you would just love me,
Our hearts would become intertwined."

-- Beautiful word choice, and rhymes. I know exactly what it's like to see the same person all day long in your mind because you love them that much.

"Just give me one chance
To show you how I feel
You wouldn't be disappointed
You'd know my love is real."

-- I feel like the word choice could be better, but it still works. I also know what it's like to be denied. It sucks. lol. =[

"Today you took my hand,
But you didn't hold on long
I looked down at my hand
To find that you'd already gone."

-- I loved this. I thought it was absolutely perfect. Simple word choice, but still an outstanding ending.

Five out of five. [5/5]

``Briana

This poem brings up so many memories... The situation you discribed is one that many probably experienced...
The poem itself remindes me of the way I used to right poems not long ago, the language is simple, but expresses deep feelings.
The rhyming is great, and one way of many I use myself.
The flow didn't break, and the emotions you showed throughout the poem seems strong and intense.

Liked the poem a lot, keep it up 5/5

Sad, yet sweet. Your vocabulary was very simple yet it got the point across. The flow was smooth, and I couldn't really find anywhere where it wasn't.
Though I'll be honest and say that I wasn't too fond of the ending, so maybe you could reword it a bit? You don't have to though. (:

Good job.

5.5
Take care,
Stephanie

Opening stanza.. I thought the rhyme was good but the over all wording and such was really cliche, buuut anyways, the rhyme was good anyway. Also, I found that the word "you" was overused.

Sweet poem. I think anyone could write a poem with almost exact wording. But, the poem was sweet and I knew where you were coming from. Good work, just put some more originality into it. 4/5.