Set me Free

"She falls to her knees in the candle-lit dungeon,
The blood trickles from the corners of her mouth from her last kill.
Her eyes are wide in despair as tears stain her porcelain cheeks,
pasting her wild wisps of golden hair to the sides of her face."

Watch out for overusage of "her" and "she". But I congratulate you on the imagery here and describing the scene. I loved "pasting her wild wisps of golden hair", that really made me see this in my mind!

"She's trapped in this nightmare-a creature of the night,
A being of nightmares and Grimm faerie tales.
She stares in the antique mirror at her absent reflection,
and she pictures in her mind what she should see:"

Don't like the repeat of "nightmares" so much, that threw me off.

Great adjectives used "antique, absent".

"A face of an angel, porcelain and fair,
With vibrant red eyes and gold wavy hair.
Rosy red lips, full bodied and moist,
hiding sharp, pointed teeth-weapons to kill."

This was well-written, it truly was. I enjoyed the dark aspect of this and the adjectives!

"A crown made of thorns, adorning her head,
a heavy crucifix, burning into her chest.
A tattered white dress-of silk and lace,
in her hands a black rose-she's haunting, yet beautiful."

This is very haunting, it makes it so much more captivating to the reader, you do very well with dark poems.

"She hates this life, hates what she's become,
but the thirst is stronger than her own will.
She knows how the nightmare continues,
more sick, stupid men-and their sick, stupid minds..."

Not my favorite stanza but it explained her craze.

"More screams or sheer terror and pulsing red blood,
Deeper and deeper she shrinks into herself.
The girl she once was is trapped-
Never again to surface as she i overcome by her thirst for life."

First line: Maybe re-word to this:

"More screams of sheer terror and pulsing red blood".

The "or" didn't fit just right.

Fourth line: When your read this it doesn't make that much sense, reword to this maybe:

"Never again to surface as she overcomes her thirst for life".

I didn't get the random "i"?

"Never again will she see the sun-banished to eternal night,
She opens her mouth and her soul screams.
Leaving her body in an ear-splitting howl to echo forever in her ears-
...Set me free... "

Loved the part about her soul screaming, I haven't heard that one before.

The last line, three simple words that sum up her want, her desire, and the base of this poem.

Well done, I really enjoyed the feeling I got out of this, how scary!

Take care and God bless!

~MaryAnne

This poem was very well worded..

It pulled you in to the end, & even tho im the type that lyks the ryming poetry this was simply amazing.

Well done.
*Hunny*

Never again will she see the sun-banished to eternal night,
She opens her mouth and her soul screams.
Leaving her body in an ear-splitting howl to echo forever in her ears-
...Set me free...

I love this stanza. It's perfect. The words you used here and thoughout the poem all carry their own emotions. I love it. This is your best poem I think. Wow...this blew me away. I'm adding you to my favs. You're so talented. Nik

Very dark and sad, I loved the description. I could see the forlorn vampire sitting in the cold dungoun wondering why she must live like that. Beautifuly done, i cant wait to read your other work.

Very well written, quite chilling with some incredible description. One thing - weapen is weapon, but apart from that is was very good.

Keep writing!!
Emily :)