Very well done
These cupleets blend well to describe a Poetic Transaction
11 years ago
A true pleasure to read, the scene flows softly from the readers mouth and unfolds wounderfully in front of them. ther choice of wards was really good but a bit simple at times. all in all a real good poem =) credit to the writers
"Professing undying love through rhyme and verse
Written in a shade of ink you can never reverse
Scriptures permanently embedded on the heart
Piercing through our skin as modern day art"
^^Ahhh...what a beautiful, beautiful opening! The imagery within these lines is absolutely fantastic, so striking and creates such vivid pictures in my mind, while the flow is faultless.
"Covering the truth with a sultry veil of distraction
It's time to exchange this lover's poetic transaction
No longer speaking a language of metaphors
Seasons of love flourish opening new doors"
^^I'm finding this piece to become better and better as I go along, with each line better than the one before it.
"As these beautiful aspirations seem to submerge
You send three flawless words in which I immerge"
^^I didn't like the use of "you" here...maybe: Sending three flawless words in which I immerge?
"Lost in your dark eyes with no way out of this maze
Clouds of lust roll in covering us in a poetic haze"
^^Favourite lines of the piece, these are just beautiful.
"Fate is coloring my life with rainbows and glitter
Years of endless searching, I finally found my answer"
^^I love the imagery within the first line, however I didn't like the rhyimg, up until now the rhyme has been perfect and it falters here which threw me a little.
"Shrouded under the mist letting our lips eclipse
Caressing skin to skin, decoding body scripts
Waking up weak in your arms under a starry night
Infatuation so strong, unable to resist or fight"
^^I really enjoyed the emotion and depth within these lines, they are easily felt and left me with such a sweet feeling.
"Clear interpretations, giving in to sweet temptation
Writing a million phrases, inspired by our creation"
^^This is a beautiful way to wrap this piece up..
I am left speechless with this piece, apart from the minor two things I pointed out, I found this to be perfect.
The flow is flawless throughout, rolls right of the tongue, while the imagery, wording, and content all melt together to create a beautiful read.
You can always tell when a collab is good when you can't tell who wrote which part, as is the case here.
I hope to see more of you two in the future.
11 years ago
by The Prince
How nice to include the link at the end. This is a fantastic collaboration piece, there is so much crammed in here from two very poetic minds. The rhyme isnt forced, and the imagery is brilliant, I loved 'poetic haze'. Great work guys, really enjoyed it.