I once kissed an angel; I once kissed the sun
So much light it burned me, but she and I were one.
A single love in time;
her heaven was sublime,
and golden bells did chime...
Oh! to be young again I love this verse the most, as I remember my angel and I remember heaven that was sublime.
This is only the second of your poems I have read and for someone so young I find you have the gift. I did not like the end of the first stanza but on reading it again maybe I was wrong as I thought it was a little to short and needed a qualifier, And her lyrics or its lyrics lit up my night. I would leave it as it is though as it is yours. 5/5 Ray S I will be reading all your poems and I have added you to my favourites.
I really like the writing style you chose. The ue of syllables is very important and I think you nailed it. The rhyme scheme is a little bit off in a few places, which doesn't help the flow. But it's still good. It caught my eye at the begining. I kind of lost the whole idea of the poem until the end. The end was very well written.
Your opening lines of the poem were really catching, you made the reader want to read more, but it feels to me like the rest of the poem was very predictable and it was not really what i hoped it would be. At times I also feel like you rhymes were a little forced. Other than that it was good!