Cantabile

by Krathia   May 10, 2009


Tossed upon waves
of wind, your hair shivered;
flying strands of mahogany
and blue ribbons against the sky.
Arms outstretched, you danced alone
to the music of lapping waves
and seagull pleas.

Please, let me recall
the slippery days when a white sun
shone down on your smile.
Your eyes were drops of
Siberian sky, austerely sweet
and clear as the ocean wind
that blew our memories away.

Twilight and morning,
I'd look for that particular shade of blue
that tinted my childhood and yours.
Hungry and distilled,
like a love that has been
washed clear of hope;
only memory remains

and nothing but.
I look away from the cyan crystal
that flashed (our colour) toward me.
Passing thoughts and skyline longings,
nothing really there.
I shake away the echo of a girl's laughter,
and, hearing no more,
continue on my way.

4


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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Brix Ambray

    Nice poem..........very refreshing choice of words

  • 10 years ago

    by twisted reality

    This poem is absolutely beautiful. You had great word choices in it, very descriptive.

    "Tossed upon waves
    of wind, your hair shivered;
    flying strands of mahogany
    and blue ribbons against the sky.
    Arms outstretched, you danced alone
    to the music of lapping waves
    and seagull pleas."
    ^^Wow. That's all I can say >.< This made me feel like I was there, and imagining someone standing beside me on the beach while the wind whirls around their face... It feels so peaceful and serene. Great imagery here. =]
    There's nothing I can really critique, as I loved the entire poem. Keep writing. =] 5/5

    xoxo Samantha

  • 10 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Cantabile is a musical term meaning literally "singable" or "songlike" (Italian)
    Very clever title and the poem is a written verse like Cantabile, lyrical and vocal with background music once you have read it a couple of time it is singable in the mind. Colourful springs to mind and remembrance a really wonderful poem. Ray S

  • 10 years ago

    by mier

    Tremendously brilliant. the atmosphere and the subtly forlorn emotion that is etched in this poem draws me in and never want it to end.

    Arms outstretched, you danced alone
    to the music of lapping waves
    and seagull pleas.

    I love how you create such tranquil image through the beauty of loneliness and the second line makes me wonder how something so simple and trite could be expressed so beautifully.

    Your eyes were drops of
    Siberian sky, austerely sweet

    these lines just blew me away and left me speechless. I am awed by the creativity and the vivid description that is just so endearing.

    like a love that has been
    washed clear of hope;
    only memory remains

    this part of the whole poem is enthralling. it's so simple yet it creates such a beautifully blatant truth.

    it gives me such pleasure to read this poem and also a sense of contentment to have these images and expressions playing around in my imagination, even after I've finished reading it.

  • 10 years ago

    by The Prince

    Well written :)

    'Tossed upon waves
    of wind, your hair shivered;
    flying strands of mahogany
    and blue ribbons against the sky.'

    I love the calm, subjective image you depicted here, good use of colours too, though 'blue' could be replaced with a shade for specificity, and I didn't like 'shivered', which was the only thing that didn't sound right here. Liked the way you tried to bring life to the stanza though.

    'Arms outstretched, you danced alone
    to the music of lapping waves
    and seagull pleas.'

    Gorgeous image. 'Lapping waves' is overused but still; excellent.

    'Please, let me recall
    the slippery days when a white sun
    shone down on your smile.'

    'Slippery days' was excellent, and the sibilance helped portray a hushed sound I believe. This poem is very intimate so far; it's close whislt the reader is reading it. Very nice.

    'Your eyes were drops of
    Siberian sky, austerely sweet
    and clear as the ocean wind
    that blew our memories away.'

    That first image deserves a nomination, the only problem was it was followed by an image that didn't reflect the beauty of the other. Not sure it complemented it enough. Not to overdo the 'Siberian sky' but perhaps expand on it a bit.

    'Twilight and morning,
    I'd look for that particular shade of blue'

    What is the 'particular' here?

    'Hungry and distilled,
    like a love that has been
    washed clear of hope;
    only memory remains'

    The transition is a bit disquieting, from the images of the first two stanzas, then this one. It's as if your language suffered a bit underneath them. 'only memory remains' is unfortunately a trite phrase. Still well done on keeping the consistency of tone. Loved the enjambment into the last stanza though.

    'I look away from the cyan crystal
    that flashed (our colour) toward me.'

    Oh the significance is revealed here! I didn't notice that on first read. :)

    'Passing thoughts and skyline longings,
    nothing really there.
    I shake away the echo of a girl's laughter,
    and, hearing no more,
    continue on my way.'

    Awesome ending you have here, blissfully sweet and fitting. Loved it. You get a nominiation for this piece.