Countless say love rips apart, due to heart breakers
Leaping around in joy slurring loves gracious name
Creating coarse black hearts, looking like innocent fakers,
Trapping and luring their prey into a scorching flame.
However gaze into their eyes and soul's barren design
Just like the faint hearted their pain has no line
Anger replaces the lost love as they shriek and suffer
Beyond the so called fallen their torcher must reach another.
Yearning to secrete their pain as love cannot be replaced
Savagely smashing hearts becoming loves corrupted monsters
Craving for someone to merely see what they have faced
As people's happiness makes the green eyed beast stronger.
Many hear the title but don't know the shrieks
As their wrenching pain heightens to its peak
Reaching impassable madness trying futility to gain
Wrapped forever in a winding path to die in vain.
Krista said all I needed to say. Other than what she said I liked the diction in this piece. Not my favorite but still a good read from you. Glad to see you're writting more. I hope to see you change yuor style up a little and try some new ideas. You're a very talented writer and I can't wait to see more from you. Keep it up :) Nik
Torture! not torcher.
You must have known my ex-wife as you parcelled her here perfectly.
An excellent poem which could have gone off the Richter scale if you had got the stanza meter sorted. 5/5 Ray S
Quite nice. I like the way you used your words to get what you meant across the board. If I make sense. =] It was well written and AWESOME. If I were to be saying anything else I would just be repeating what everyone else is saying. 5/5
I liked the subject you wrote about. Very interesting write for me in a good way that is, I liked your choice of words, greatly scripted.
You know I tend to agree with the rhyme scheme comments, however - it is not always needed to be uniform in rhyme scheme. I believe it is possible for one to write a poem without acknowledging rhyme scheme, almost as a blank verse. Overall not bad, but could've been better since the flow was randomnized somewhat.
I must say, although greatly worded and all the positive things I just stated I do have a few negitive statements to make.
I would have liked to see more puncuation overall, instead of the ocassional period at the end of each stanza. Puncuation is very important in poetry it shows the reader when to pause or stop as well as adding to the overall flow.
I noticed you use capitalization in the begining of ever line. It isn't needed, you only need to capitalize if you are starting a sentence or you are emphasising a word.
Overall I really liked the poem, very unique and one in its own.