My Best Friend

Thnx for the comment on the gratitude poem. This is a nicely written poem.interesting twist, and transitions. I like the fact that u show the changes throughout the yrs

Aww. Cute write. I do have a few suggestions though:

"7th grade, nerdy glasses
His smile never ends
I'm way out of his league
Yet, we're always best friends"

--first line: very good introduction. though, if you added a second comma to the first line (after glasses) the flow would be better. while reading, I sort of read without pausing and it all seemed to run together. so I would place a second comma to create a pause.

He gets straight A's in school
He's a mathlete by heart
He's honest and he's innocent
And that's only the start

"9th grade comes along
Now has contacts and braces off
He's friends with jocks now
But only I know he's soft"

--second line I would change to: 'New contacts and the braces are off'

As I attempt to fall in love
My first relationship ends
So he's the one I call
Because that's my best friend

"11th grade, he looks, good
His happiness, he still sends
There's that silly laugh
There's my best friend"

--in the first line, get rid of the second comma so it reads: '11th grade, he looks good'.

"Dad stopped caring
Mom's never home
So he drives me around
And assures me I'm not alone"

^^I loved the last line of this stanza. Not sure why, but I do :)

"As I cry on his shoulder
He looks into my eyes
Then, I felt something new
My brain was in ties"

--in this stanza, it sort of sounds like you went from present tense to past. it sort of threw me for a loop

The powerness I see
I now see it all
No feeling could compare
As my feelings install

"12th grade, comes along
So what if he's my friend
Now, I want him
He'll be mine in the end"

--once again, I would leave the comma out of the first line so it reads: '12th grade comes along'. you dont really need it there.

Next day, at school
I look to my left
Unable to move
As I witnessed theft

"Cuddling and kissing
Two hands connect and blend
With a blonde in my gym class
...With my best friend"

--third line: instead of 'With' try 'There's'

"7th grade, nerdy glasses
9th grade, came along
11th grade, he looked, good
12th grade went so wrong"

--third line: rid of the second comma

Too bad he wasn't good enough
Unlike his smile, chances end
I guess he'll never know
I'm in love with my best friend

Overall, very good write. With a few added punctuation marks, I believe that it could be better.
4/5

"7th grade, nerdy glasses
His smile never ends
I'm way out of his league
Yet, we're always best friends"

Good opening stanza that set the scene for the reader and gave them an idea of what this poem was going to be about.

"He gets straight A's in school
He's a mathlete by heart
He's honest and he's innocent
And that's only the start"

The repetition of "He" and "He's" bothered me a bit. Here, maybe you could change to this:

"He gets.................
Truly a mathlete.......
So honest and........"

Just my opinion, when you repeat "He" so much it kind of ruined it for me, try something new!

"9th grade comes along
Now has contacts and braces off
He's friends with jocks now
But only I know he's soft"

Second line: Maybe change to: "His contacts and braces now off" It reads a lot better in my mind.

"As I attempt to fall in love
My first relationship ends
So he's the one I call
Because that's my best friend"

Simple yet you clearly state what goes on.

"11th grade, he looks...good
His happiness, he still sends
There's that silly laugh
There's my best friend"

First line: I didn't really like how you had that pause between "looks" and "good", it made it sound like you were hesitating and you didn't mean it. Maybe reword to: "11th grade, and he looks good". Rest of the stanza, very sweet. Its great that you have that kind of friend that will always be there for you.

"Dad stopped caring
Mom's never home
So he drives me around
And assures me I'm not alone"

Whendid your dad stop caring and where does your friend drive you around? I think you could be more descriptive here and give more background to create more visuals for the reader.

"As I cry on his shoulder
He looks into my eyes
Then, I felt something new
My brain was in ties"

Good rhyming and wording here, you feel something different and new now.

"Scared and hidden
Run away without looking back
My heart speeding so fast
What a heart attack"

I don't fully understand what you are trying to say here, I mean why are you scared? Elaborate more here and give further detail so the reader knows please.

"12th grade comes along
So what if he's my friend
Now, I want him
He'll be mine in the end"

Third line" Maybe add "only" before "want".
You clearly got your point across here, you want him as your own.

"Next day at school
I look to my left
Unable to move
AsI witnessed theft"

Nice rhyming and flow, this makes the reader wonder.

"Cuddling and kissing
Two hands connect and blend
With a blonde in my gym class
...With my best friend"

This stanza was very well-written. Great images and wording that struck the reader.

"7th grade, nerdy glasses
9th grade, came along
11th grade, he looked...good
12th grade went so wrong"

Third line: Change to "11th grade, he looked good"

"Too bad he wasn't good enough
Unlike his smile, chances end
I guess he'll never know
I'm in love with my best friend"

Nice way to tie it up, I would give a 4 on this poem. There are a lot of places where you could touch up but the overall concept was very good and you did do a good job with this piece, just improve on the things I pointed out.

Also, like others above me said, add punctuation. It really helps set the tone and create pause and stops when needed. It truly helps a poem and makes it more enjoyable for the reader.

Take care, keep writing always and forever...

Heh, when I started I thought this was some kind of epic verse, but it's fine like this too. I think the main problem was that you sometimes forced the meter and rhyme. For example, in stanza 2, ending with "And that's only the start" is a terrible cliche' and really, it just doesn't sound well with any sort of poem.

Also, when you repeat "that's my best friend" sometimes, it sounds ou of place and becomes boring for the reader, because he knows what to expect a few lines into the poem and there's nothing new. I didn't like the narration and perspective, but that's to each person's style and I have no say in that. I would, however, suggest that you develop it furthur, dig deeper than just the words on the surface. Already, it's a long poem, but I don't mean lengthen the lines or make more stanzas. Just try and put in something that makes him special. It sounds like he's a cliche' best friend; what is it about him that stands out? Describe his smile with a metaphor, or how his eyes shine with the light of summer, and things like that.

Oh, and don't forget punctuation. It's annoying for the writer, I know, but when there's no puncuation, it looks flat to the reader.

Overall, it's alright, needs some touching up, but it's a good piece.

Wow that's cute. But kind of sad. But I loe how I can relate so well to it. It's weird how you can just see how people change. Especially ever grade you compare them lol. And I love how you really showed that you were the only one that knew the real him. I really like these kinds of poems. Friendship should always be there. The last line was absolutely wonderful, I love it. I was waiting for it to happen. Good job, amazing job.

Soda E>