Higher Heights

I love it

There's a strange simplicity that I feel in this poem. Yet it's so charged up with pure emotions that it captivates the readers. It's a fantastic poem of love!

With you I soar to higher heights,
And everything just seems so right.
So blissful.. peaceful, when I`m up here
Theres nothing in my heart to fear.

Right your first stanza is prefect so to speak, a good flow with a perfect syllable count of 8 in this case for each line, the rhyming was pretty good too.

Only a deep, fulfilled longing,
You fulfill for me, and I feel belonging..
Wrapped in your arms, your ecstasy,
Surpasses all I feel or see.

Ok now your second stanza, the first line is good but the second one feels forced, read it along with the first and see if you agree maybe something like
"your love, something to believe in"
Its syllable count is right it rhymes well, and its not repetitive, and explains where the fulfilled longing is coming from

Don`t want to leave this sacred place..
But stay inthralled in your embrace,
Needing..wanting, desiring you,
The reason that I live is you.

Again your third stanza is quite good, try not to start a line/sentence off with filler words like AND or BUT and so on, by the way a little spelling mistake enthralled, not inthralled , no worries we all make them.

"I'll stay enthralled in your embrace"

that might be a little better??
Anyway Olwin i hope my comments were alright and that they could help just a little, your poems are quite good but you asked for the help so there you are HAHA
Well done your poem was an enjoyable read

Grant

Olwin,
I think you have done a wonderful job with this poem. It is great to see you coming out of your shell so to speak. I absolutely adored the poem. However, to be honest there are a couple of spelling/grammar mistakes in this and it takes away from the poem itself. I hope you don't mind that I show you the spelling mistakes and offer suggestions. I think you are growing as a writer and we all can use some form of critique. It changes a great poem into a better one.

With you I soar to higher heights,
And everything just seems so right.
So blissful.. peaceful, when i`m up here
Theres nothing in my heart to fear.

^^^ You always have a way of writing such a familiar scene with your words. It is usually how we feel or what we want to say and you manage to write it down and the flow just comes off so smoothly. The only thing I suggest in this stanza is capitalizing the "I" in "i'm", the only reason I suggest this is because other words throughout your poem are capitalized and with the "I" not capital it takes away from the emphasis of the feeling within the poem.

Only a deep, fulfilled longing,
You fulfill for me, and I feel belonging..
Wrapped in your arms, your exstasy,
Surpasses all i feel or see.

^^^There is no other way to describe that feeling of belonging when we are truly loved. I love how you expressed that in these lines. However, you capitalized one "I" and not another in this stanza. Also the word exstasy should be spelled ecstasy.

Dont want to leave this sacred place..
But stay inthralled in your embrace,
Needing..wanting, desiring you,
The reason that I live is you.

^^^ Of course when we finally fall in love we never want to leave. I was glad to see the insertion of "sacred" in this stanza, as it made me feel it was something that should not be reckoned with. It is a whole and pure in it its form. Beautiful stanza. The word "dont" should have an apostrophe in it to seperate the conjunction of do not, and inthralled should be spelled enthralled.

Please do not think I am picking on your poem. I am not and I enjoyed the poem thoroughly. I am merely offering suggestions. I think you are a wonderful writer and I am looking forward to reading much more from you.
I do agree that this could have been listed in love poems because it radiates that feeling of love so much. Great Job...
Take Care,
Kay

So beautifully described, Olwin. You are great with emotions and putting them down in the right words!

peace and hope
shobhana