Her Room V2

by Beautiful Forever   Apr 4, 2010


Desperate thoughts invade her shallow mind,
(Will deaths cold embrace grasp me today?)
Freedom is no longer available to find,
Chances of tomorrow are fading away,

Shadows trace the damp corners surrounding,
Fate has played a truly sorrowful card,
Fear entangles her heart - still pounding,
Drained by former cries - she's scarred,

No chance of escape or place to hide,
Her soul is isolated by deafening screams,
She knows her heart has finally died,
Not an ounce of safety - even in dreams,

(Make this go away - I'm going to break)
Violent shivering has never felt so good,
(What are friends? Something equally fake?)
Hope is abandoned as something misunderstood,

Whispers echo a tale of a way to save,
A sickening "thud" and time stands still,
This room has become her destined grave,
She, another victim of loss of "will"...

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This is my revision of a former poem of mine called, "Her Room"

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Don't know how the poem was before, but this is certainly a very good one.
    The rhyming scheme was a classic abab, which always fits. The imagery words you used made the atmosphere gloomy, and the way some sentences aligned made it feel like her life is on a thin line, and that she's about to fall apart.

    You made it a very well poem all the way through, keep it up 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Wishmaster

    Wonderful and chilling, like the parts in parentheses are like a voice from inside. Loved it!!

  • 14 years ago

    by MERCY is never shown

    Ok my favorite line was
    "what are friends? something equally fake?"
    it was really sad but really good as well you portrayed the feelings really well you did great!

  • 14 years ago

    by jescelle

    Uuh, sorry... certain people's "lives" lol

  • 14 years ago

    by jescelle

    I love it! I could SEE it... Your description was so emotionally vivid, reading a poem became watching your movie. The way you seemed to pull yourself out of it, like you were briefly outside the situation you normally see, was so symbolic of what we typically do when surrounded by chaos. We have to, to make sure that what's happening is REAL. I didn't really see this as dark, this is just the harsh reality of certain peoples' (obviously yours, but many people have to go through these things from time to time). But I really just adored this, amazing job! 5/5!

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