Choices

The day is very young
midnight having just left me
I find myself staring
at my
sleeping pill and muscle relaxer
cocktail
once again.

It's the only way to hasten
my eyelids shut,
well
there's always vodka
but then I'll be likely
to do a few stupid
things
first.

Phone chimes
an incoming text;
what are you doing handsome?
I sneer at the smoke
being blown up my ass.

Not that I'm ugly, for I've
felt enough eyeballs
undress me
to know better
but she wants something,
sex to be exact.

Now I'm rambling
where was I?
Ah, my salvation from
reality.

I look at the pills in my palm
they will keep me home,
safe
from myself
she will make me feel good
for a short while
but afterwards guilt and pain.

Today the choice was easy
tomorrow's outcome is uncertain
I text her back;
I'm sleeping