Always See Me Smile

by Alexandra   Aug 24, 2010


You've never seen me breakdown,
You've never seen me cry.
You've never seen me cut my wrists,
But you've always seen me smile.
As fake as it is,
I want it to be real.
I've felt it once before,
But I can't remember how it feels.
Everyone hates depression,
And nobody likes pain.
But they can't even imagine,
How it feels for happiness to drain.
I put on a fake smile,
Be what everyone expects.
But whenever I look into a mirror,
I hate what it reflects.
I lie to everyone I see,
Even to myself.
I don't know what to do anymore,
So I take the razor from the shelf.
I slice across my wrist,
As I sit bawling on the floor.
The blood is flowing out of me,
Much worse than it was before.
I can't help but be broken,
Alone, confused, and depressed.
And I can't help but remember,
All of my past regrets.
I walk through the worst memories,
Drowning in my sorrow.
With the way my life is going right now,
I don't wanna live to see tomorrow.
I hate being me,
And I hate all of life.
I am tired of everything being wrong,
And wishing it was right.
I'm dangling off the edge,
And I just don't wanna hold on.
So tired of all this pain,
I've been dangling for so long.
I don't wanna hide anymore,
Tired of being brave.
Tired of always standing strong,
And I wanna send me to my grave.
But I'm always gonna fake that smile,
Pretend to be okay.
I'm always gonna spill my blood,
Just to try to scrape it all away.
But you'll never see me breakdown,
You'll never see me cry.
You'll never see me cut my wrists,
But you'll always see me smile.

-Alexandra

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