The Requiem

Death consumes the mind
as fear decays what is left inside,
^Take out 'the' before mind.. and I would say 'as fear decays what is left within' not inside.

not a memory but a graveyard.
^Comma after memory, maybe?

One last note is that I wasn't really feeling the repetition of 'The Requiem' at all. It does help with the flow in a way however, because if you did take it out.. there would be no flow whatsoever.. but then again I do feel like it disrupts what is there for some reason. Sorry, just wasn't a huge fan of it.

You have an alright piece here though. I would so enjoy you coming up with some stronger metaphors and trying to weave them into your poems. You can't make a writer change their style however, so it's all up to you. I would definitely enjoy something with a little more creativity. But for what it is, you've done an okay job.

Death consumes the mind
as fear decays what is left inside,

This is such a strong opening to your poem. It
sets the mood and the emotion of this poem!

Looking up and seeing nothing,
you have forgotten how to see and
perhaps you have forgotten how to breathe
for you lay there so quietly

This stanza says it all..it buries a deep sense of loss and pain within the reader..all in all an excellent write.

This is so deep, so sad, so very well expressed.

Death consumes the mind
as fear decays what is left inside,
binding footprints to leave behind
not a memory but a graveyard.

I just loved this stanza, outstanding write friend.

all the best and take care

Austin
What a sad and moving poem. It brings so much emotion to the mind with every word read.
Excellent job!
Love Cindy

As my mother use to say, this conjers up some powerful images for me. It is sad, strong, a sense loss, anger, plenty of emotions and feelings to go around. I can see a person delievering these words with a sense of superority, sneering at the person they are talking to. None of these makes sense I am sure but it is such mixture of emotion, it is difficult to describe. Well done.