A Lonely Island

by Rania Moallem   Apr 6, 2011


My heart
grave and verdant,
carrying shores,
seas,
palm trees,
fruits and seeds
-everywhere I go-
[Heavy]

The wind whistles, flirts, and
chases the subtle-spooky
silence, whenever the moon
stabs the shallow black in the spirit.

Alas, I fail to understand the
language fleeing in the air...

So what brought your boat,
to my dreary coast!

I no longer swallow visitors, but-
still I feel sorry, for them.

By: Rania Moallem

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Rania,
    This is stunning and added straight into my favourites! I wish I could nominate this; I can't believe it doesn't have another WIN badge next to the title. The second stanza blew me away with the imagery and language - mind you, the whole piece did. The use of metaphor throughout this piece is wonderful.
    Really well done Rania and all the best,
    Ben

    • 5 years ago

      by Rania Moallem

      Thanks a lot for this overwhelming comment

  • 9 years ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    Beautiful poem! Your metaphors gave me a bittersweet feel, and I say that because the image are beautiful, but how these things weighed on the tender heart so. What I take from this piece is a story a broken being that once carried a heart of gold. That time and people helped tarnish...and the eyes that have become accustomed to this tarnished heart, can't see how or why anyone could see anything else. Heart wrenching, but a great read.

    Have a nice day :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I like the simple key of the title, how it echoes inside this whole piece.

    "My heart is a vast remote island,
    grave and verdant,"

    Verdant means naive right?? I looked up the definition for it and got lack of experience and a lush green, though I doubt you used the later one :)
    I like the opening for one reason, you present yourself with this statement and it isn't just a representation of your heart, it is what your heart consists of, made out of, weather it has recently become or is of currently, it seeks out loneliness in sombreness

    .
    "I carry the shores,
    the seas,
    the palm trees,
    the fruits and the seeds"

    I love the structure here, and the portrayal of such imagery. To think one can "carry" the shores and waters is quite glorious, but also gives off that hint of burden, like you have to much weight.

    "-everywhere I go-
    [Heavy]"

    Great emphasis that though you are alone you still have a build-up of these past things following you.
    I would have suggested after the word heavy writing something like, they constrict my dreams, or just a little phrase to go along with that word, it did have impact but...only in my opinion, I think you could have made it stronger.

    "The wind whistles, flirts, and
    chases the subtle-spooky
    silence, whenever the moon
    stabs the shallow black in the spirit."

    You don't know how much I loved this! How eerie but you give the wind that tang and twist here. Great "awakening" words like "whistles, flirts".

    "subtle-spooky" worked well, as if the silence is that haunting it doesn't know it almost fails to exist.

    Okay, seriously best two lines ever:
    " whenever the moon
    stabs the shallow black in the spirit."

    I keep reading this back and forth to myself. I like the punch you add with "stab", not just talking about jealousy between elements or something mediocre, but you give this strong sense that this hole in the spirit is easy to become entangled or swallowed in...some deep thoughts/interpretations here as to what purpose the moon has...

    "Alas, I fail to understand the
    language fleeing in the air..."

    Some really exquisite writings on here have this word starting off a paragraph "Alas"....it only strengthens your already passionate/burning piece.

    What power Nana!!! I love how you put this!!!! "fleeing in the air" that understanding is out of your grasp....WOW! It was so simple yet hard-hitting honestly.

    "So/what brought your boat,
    to my dreary coast!"

    I noticed you did the slash thingy in "Be" too right? I thought a question mark may have worked better than exclamation, not sure though. Maybe you could have added a one word again, like you did in the beginning.

    "So/what brought your boat,
    to my dreary coast of never land?
    {Haunting
    the wretched}"

    Just a suggestion..

    "I no longer swallow visitors, but-
    still I feel sorry, for them."

    Ohhh.... NIce! I felt it was more satirical at the end, that you have remorse but it takes a bit for you to release it, like you are biting back, still bitter. There was something on the ending I just couldn't place, like it could have been more daunting at the end, I don't know how....

    Still a mystic write I had a joy reading!
    Keep it up :)
    ~MaryAnne

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