Perhaps Today

Awesome. the title caught my attention. an amazing start. and when you talked about room its just create an image in my mind. such a deep feelings in human you have pout here.

the idea was great. and the usage of words is good. a combination is good too. that makes and show me it into a very strong emotions.

your poems are beyond my thinking because of very good English. so i always read your poem two or three times to understand completely. And i cannot leave the page without commenting your poems.

Sitting beside a dead telephone
in a room too small to find words
to describe- laying on a brown couch
wondering if it's time to open up
the green curtains-as if happy.

this is my favorite stanza,. a great and strong metaphor as well i see in it. i like the wording a Dead telephone. this what makes the strong image in my mind and force me to read the rest of poem with a very good manner.

one thing more i noticed every single line has the power. something strong emotions and deep feelings. you put the emotions in a very good form inside any poem. that makes your poem perfect always

fro me 5/5

"as if he came back in the first place."...i like the sadness in your poem..well written...good job.

"as if he came back in the first place."...i like the sadness in your poem..well written...good job.

Very nice...not too literal, but not too abstract...very relatable.

So he leaves again..
^
What a nostalgic opening
It sounds almost..like a sigh....

It's just a new summer
for everyone to wear
some fancy sunrays,
and a regular season
to sleep as if unnoticed.
^
I like the use of sunrays here,
while people usually would use sunglasses or shades..
this stanza has highly creative...

Sitting beside a dead telephone
in a room too small to find words
to describe- laying on a brown couch
wondering if it's time to open up
the green curtains-as if happy.

^
Eh,the 'dead telephone' here was
Clever,I like how you refered to the room as too small,instead of thoughts or emotions...
It makes it interesting..
And the way u used 'green' curtains...
When we know green is the color of hope so it fits right in..with the emotions you are trying to potray..

Two white plates on a wearied
wooden table-ironically waiting
to be filled, when I like the rest
of the aging furniture stand
still where I've once been placed-
pending on the jokes of summer
to push a visitor outside my pink door.
^
Aah! How girly :') why must the door be pink?...
Hahahaha
Again the use of "two plates"
Here was perfect,combined with the word ironically...since in the beginning you explained that he left...

I heave the nearest plate next to me
toward the dusty space as if
disappointed.

^
The 'as if'
Shows that you aren't dissapointed?
Am I right?....
Yet throughout the poem
It seems like you are sad that he left?..
Ay chihuahua..

Lost outside my window, staring
at a busy month, I shed some crazy
tears watching him leaving again...
^
Yes! Highly creative again...
I've never heard of tears being crazy,
And never knew one could stare at a month..

as if he came back in the first place.

^
Jeezus,what an ending rania...
Stop doing this to me...
What you do with words
Is just unbelievable...