Sky Engraved in Song

by Sunshine   Aug 12, 2011


I'm on the verge of falling again
into the bottom of failing arms,
overpowered by weakness I
feel like releasing the last
breath of hope that I no
longer bear inside of me.

I want to fall back, untie my
emotions and tears into
thunders and rainfalls
to watch the clouds jazz for
my loss, to fall on my back
stare at the sky chanting my
farewell, I can see me dazzled
by the stunned golden stripes
up in the heart of the blue
as I smile like I dare to.

There might be nothing like
listening to the cry of my
departure, as I fall back to
the earth of my failures.

by: Rania Moallem

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Sometimes, there are some metaphors and expressions in your writes that I can barely understand and sometimes I don't, but that is not because they are too complicated, nor because I'm stupid (HELL no! :P) but because you are really clever while choosing them, you choose the right simile for the right feeling and put it in the right place! whether it be this powerful ending or your eye-catchy opening, I was drawn in until the end and wanted to read morrrreee and morrreeee and morreeeeee!

    something I HATE about your poetry is that it ends :P it leaves me craving for more and that is NOT positive, be aware of this! and you should always write for us!

    See? see why I told ya I don't really much like 87?? because it is not like this emotional sad fantastic wonderful amazing beautiful everything write!!!!!

    five out of five!

  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This poem felt to me like breaking through that wall between wanting and what
    you are really held back from doing. The ending was like a huge reality crash and it left me wondering how to win over these failures. The scene "untie my emotions and tears into thunders and rainfalls" is like letting go and finding yourself again. A heartbreaking piece, making me crave for freedom. Only suggestion would be the line breaks were (only to me though) not flowing as well as they could have, I personally think the structure could be stronger, but the content speaks louder; it holds nothing back. An emotional, tearing write.

    Thanks for your entry!
    MaryAnne

  • 12 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    This read so easily, almost like reading a favorite book. Though sad it was excellent
    Connie

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    I truly loved this piece as your 'soft' thoughts always make heavy, enchanting to read poems.

    Nothin' I suggest.. Nothing.
    But:

    the end :p I think it weakened it? I don't know, but it's my opinion :/

    Anyways, The opening was great and so was the thoughts after, structured carefully, and the wording was captivating.

    An EXCELLENT poem of yours. 5/5

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