Five years ago

-Written from my heart,yea some stanzas are long,but i write how i write...any negative comments,not wanted (:-

Five years ago,
i said goodbye to my mom,
i had to let go of my entire world,
with a kiss on the cheek,
a grab of your hand,
i say i miss you mom,
you'll always be in my heart,
i love you so much.

Fighting back the tears,
i leave the funeral home,
hating that I'm leaving you all alone,
in a tight cold space in the morgues wall,
awaiting your funeral the next day.

Its all my fault i thought,
if i had just stayed i could have stopped you,
if i had answered my texts when you wanted me to call you,
i could have told you mom, I'm coming to see you soon,
could have let you know how much i love you,
how sorry i am for leaving.

You're dead,
cold as the Arctic ocean,
no more blood flowing in your body,
like a beautiful statue,
you can't move,
can't speak,
i wish i could hear you say i love you baby girl one last time.

Beating myself up,
for something i couldn't control,
you did to this to yourself,
you wouldn't stop,
but i can't help but think,
you leaving tore her apart,
she couldn't see you smile,
feel your arms wrapped around her stomach,
you were gone,
her heart died when you moved.

Five years ago,
i said goodbye to my mom,
thinking its my fault shes gone,
but knowing deep down it was fate,
playing with your hair between my fingers,
a single tear runs down my face,
i kiss you one last time,
say my final goodbyes,
and look up into heaven,
to tell you i love you mom.