The monster i've created

I'm not perfect, heaven's no.
I've caused you pain, blow after blow.
I've kicked you down, and while you were down,
to the point of silence, where you gave up even saying a sound.
Disappointment and betrayal, lies in the heart of your misery,
I've given countless apologies, only to cause more treachery.
I love you, but those words have lost meaning now,
I've miscalculated your tolerance some how.
A monster in your words, things I've never heard from you.
Actions i'd never believe you'd you do.
It's funny how ugly we become, when our hearts have been broken far too many times,
When we give out dollars, and all we receive are dimes.
You made it easy to walk on, and I stomped you into the ground,
Kind of proud how strong you are now, after each and every pound.
I should be miserable, unhappy with what i've done to you,
but you make it hard to feel sympathy to.
You've crossed lines, I never knew I had drawn,
You've crossed the light, and even the dawn.
Straight to darkness, but isn't it great?
To feel no more pain, to never hesitate.
I'm jealous, i'm annoyed, i'm pissed more than I should be,
But I have no one to blame, no one to blame but the person in the mirror staring back at me.
The monster I've created, or just caused to rise from deep within,
I can't decide whether to own it as a great loss, or a rather impressive win.
-Denysia Chapman