"Almond lingers, whilst
nectar pours; my pink blossom
yields to endless stings."
Thankful that nature
humbles and en-riches an
Nurturing a beaten heart,
giving awe to projection.
string us together;
silk spun lines with letters
inked from the heart. Restricted
boundaries penned a need to fight,
love for freedom and all alike... Our
eternal warmth of a family home.
I became a little irritated and took it
out on forms...
I'll be honest, I have it a 5/5 before I even read it, sorry for being biased. But I couldn't help it, after I saw how many forms you used. Excellent job! Must've taken a lot of effort. The poem, itself, was beautiful; it made me want to go outside and pick flowers, haha.
I'm not very familiar with many forms, so I can't really critique the ones, other than the haiku, tanka, and acrostic. In the fourth line of the third stanza, I think a comma would be more suitable than a semicolon.
I would've nominated it, but I just nominated my last poem today. Dang it! Guess you'll just have to settle for a favorite ;)
This is definitely one of your most impressive pieces - especially for someone who says they don't write forms well!
They all worked well with each other and I love that you made the acrostic a sentence/statement rather than a word or two. It made it very interesting. Freedom is very clear in the poem and I think you done an amazing job. xx
Syllable counts kinda bug me, i'll have a look at it after work :)
6 years ago
by Formidable Muse
This is brilliant! Everything about it and the ideas to combine different forms. It's definitely impressive. I love the message as well as the Acrostic you chose.
I would comment individuality on each stanza, but I don't trust my knowledge of many different forms yet. Especially the ones that include any type of rhyme set or the iambic thingy. The Etheree is fantastic, but that's all I got (:
My only critique: In the Haiku, the final line "yielding to stings." is only 4 syllables whereas is should be 5.