Passionate Home... (mixed forms)

by ah satan 666   Feb 24, 2013


Once the cradle falls, its your
niche in life... that separates
crowds of duplicates from the
emerging unique...

Affirmations cause pulsating ink to ice skate.

Frozen blank page, as pens grace
recreates the flow of an
eight. Signifying my souls
engraved birth mark; vast.

Spiritually connected with
pen... flowing
ink.
Resurrecting
irritable emotions,
trusting thy heart.

"Almond lingers, whilst
nectar pours; my pink blossom
yields to endless stings."

Thankful that nature
humbles and en-riches an
inquisitive mind.
Nurturing a beaten heart,
giving awe to projection.

I
share a
passion with
others. Poems
string us together;
silk spun lines with letters
inked from the heart. Restricted
boundaries penned a need to fight,
love for freedom and all alike... Our
eternal warmth of a family home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I became a little irritated and took it
out on forms...
Doditsu/Haynaku mixed/Haiku/Tanka/Etheree/Acrostic

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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Rusheena

    I'll be honest, I have it a 5/5 before I even read it, sorry for being biased. But I couldn't help it, after I saw how many forms you used. Excellent job! Must've taken a lot of effort. The poem, itself, was beautiful; it made me want to go outside and pick flowers, haha.

    I'm not very familiar with many forms, so I can't really critique the ones, other than the haiku, tanka, and acrostic. In the fourth line of the third stanza, I think a comma would be more suitable than a semicolon.

    I would've nominated it, but I just nominated my last poem today. Dang it! Guess you'll just have to settle for a favorite ;)

    • 6 years ago

      by ah satan 666

      Lol thank you, it is thought and time I appreciate... and you've given me both.
      Happy to be in your favourites missy :D

  • 6 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is definitely one of your most impressive pieces - especially for someone who says they don't write forms well!

    They all worked well with each other and I love that you made the acrostic a sentence/statement rather than a word or two. It made it very interesting. Freedom is very clear in the poem and I think you done an amazing job. xx

  • 6 years ago

    by ah satan 666

    Thank you...

    Syllable counts kinda bug me, i'll have a look at it after work :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    This is brilliant! Everything about it and the ideas to combine different forms. It's definitely impressive. I love the message as well as the Acrostic you chose.

    I would comment individuality on each stanza, but I don't trust my knowledge of many different forms yet. Especially the ones that include any type of rhyme set or the iambic thingy. The Etheree is fantastic, but that's all I got (:

    My only critique: In the Haiku, the final line "yielding to stings." is only 4 syllables whereas is should be 5.

    This is really lovely though!