Telescopic

by Poet on the Piano   May 3, 2013


I engrave
who I wish
[to be]
and all my faults.
You think
these are words
but no, they
are lines [cornfields
where row after row
trails on. . . ]
dry season,
water is blood
providing
little product,

these are my
predictions.

I look how I
[deserve].

-
Written 5/2/13 @ 1:50 pm.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    I'm wondering if the parenthesis around deserve at the end is for emphasis? The beginning parenthesis parts seem like an afterthough or a description more so... so I'm thinking the deserve part is for emphasis for sure.

    I love the part about cornfields. It gave such a pretty (and mundane :P) image. Gorgeous.

    This almost sounds like a "pretty" version of a self-harm poem, mostly because the bits about th elines. It could even be.

    I agree with a lot of what Tara Kay says as well about the past/judging. This is really just beautiful and can be taken in so many ways!

    • 11 years ago

      by Poet on the Piano

      Thanks as always Tara & Britt! Yes, you got it, the brackets/parentheses are for emphasis, I've been using them a lot with a few recent poems and it's catchy! Also, I didn't put this in the sad poem because it does allude to self harm and depression, not what I'm feeling in the moment just was brushing the surface of many things...

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Oh MaryAnne, this broke my heart...really just tore through me. I can relate to this but I know you don't deserve pain, to be judged for the past, mistakes, different times...it always follows us around but we can try and recess it, we don't need to let things consume us.
    These words are deep, I love the flow, and I love the tone. The wording...the whole essence of it, is just heartbreaking but well penned

    Love ya.
    Hugs
    xx

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