Cyanide

Ok...I can't stop reading this poem and I think I have become a stalker of it but...it's just so raw and well written that I just HAVE to come back! I know I may sound like I'm nit picking but...I feel, if this poem is going to go viral as one judge suggested, then it should be absolutely perfect. So...now I have another couple of suggestions for you to consider....

Perhaps, at dawn break
^^^^

I think it should be dawn's break? If you were saying the break of dawn then that would be ok but...the way you have worded it and I think it's more poetic how you have it...the break belongs to the dawn...hope you understand what I mean here?

Also...don't know what these (...) are actually called? I know I should because I use them all the time myself but...someone pointed out to me that the usage should be three..not two or four...three! I was never conscious of this myself and, I really don't know if it's a requirement but...I've noticed I used only three now haha!!!

Yours sincerely

Your stalker :)

I felt like the mother you're talking to is Syria itself. Not only cyanide is killing Syria but also the hatred of its people.

"I waved at our neighbor this morning,
but he squelched a cigarette
and scowled at me."

This just breaks my heart.

Just something else for you to think about as I read this poem once again...I just can't help reading it over and over...the topic is so sad but..it's such a beautiful write...anyway...

Cologne..in the western world this is more or less associated with the scent....like aftershave a male would wear, where as a woman would wear perfume...just something for you to consider...

Absolutely gut wrenching. Before I go any further can I just point out something that I think is incorrect...

Has someone ever told you..I think it should be has anyone ever told you?

Not to worry...this piece is outstanding! You sucked the reader right in with your very first line and...OMG...you had my full attention from start to finish. Too many sad, but beautiful lines for me to highlight a few for...like a jigsaw puzzle they all meshed so well together to may it whole.

It's raw and...I will not pretend to know what you people are suffering but...perhaps we will begin to understand while reading your words...Congratulations on your win...it is very worthy of the front page!

Another heart wrenching read. It brings attention
to the reader of the cruelty and injustice brought
onto innocent victims of war!

I can hear the painful voice of the child within this
write..moving write.

Congrats on the win.