Reasons to be Miserable

With thanks and apologies to the late, great Mr Ian Dury..

Big brother's on the telly,
My fat belly,
My mum's brawn jelly she bought for tea,
Tesco's deli,
Cheese that's gone smelly,
Spotty girls called Kelly that laugh at me.

Stoke are getting snotted,
My talent isn't spotted,
Poetry that's jotted on a cigarette pack,
The milk's gone clotted,
The woodwork's rotted,
Flies that can't be swotted,
Kids taking crack

Unelected oligarchy,
People wearing khaki,
Teachers being sarky
when I was at school,
Receptionists being narky,
Weddings in a marquee,
My mum calling me 'Marky',
that's so uncool.

Macclesfield station,
Colonic irrigation,
A divided nation
that's no surprise.
Macclesfield station,
Chronic constipation,
'Education, Education ...'
and all those lies.

Double dip recession,
Clinical depression,
Going on a session
and throwing up.
Inner city tension,
No public sector pension,
Better not to mention
the FA Cup.

Salmonella on the barby,
Comedians called Tarby,
Got to go to Derby,
What a dump.
Gun crime and yardies,
Polyester cardies,
Being called 'Lardy'
and finding a lump.

Mobile 'blinking' phones,
Catherine Zeta Jones,
Pay day loans
that prey on the poor.
The bankers and their bonus,
Road work traffic cones,
The ageing Rolling Stones
on one last tour.

Racist joking,
The ban on smoking,
The grumpy old bloke in
my local bar.
The earth is choking,
My feet are always soaking,
The kids have broken
my new guitar.

People voting Tory,
United Glory Glory,
The same old story,
It makes me sick.
Parking in a multi storey,
Cuts that hit the poor --ee,
My cousin Rory,
the stupid *****.

The golly on the jam,
All that e-mail spam,
Sainsbury's playing Wham
out of a tin.
Uncle Sam,
Kids not giving a dam,
A poetry slam
when I don't win.