Moments

I loved it what a wonderfully visual poem

Judging comment:

I always find this author's tone to be profound, and to create an almost startling atmosphere that speaks loudly to the reader. There is such a tangible sadness in this relationship, the abuse and allowing that abuse to continue. It reminds me of the lies we tell ourselves, the cycle of the man saying "I'm sorry" to the partner believing and convincing herself it won't happen again. Then, when it does, she may justify it or think she cannot escape it now. The image of this man zipping up her ribcage is so stark and personal, dangerous in that he has physically hurt her, possibly even life threatening. The vulnerability of her is obvious here as well, especially with her just wanting release from the voices in her head, maybe those that tell her she deserves this versus those that say she needs to get away. The ending is quite depressing but I like how clear you make it to the reader that they don't want help, this is the self-destructive path they chose and it gives this feeling of helplessness. That there will still be scars, and as long as they keep throwing away their identity instead of rebuilding it, these scenes will replay. Well-written. (4)

Oh my goodness! I can't believe I never saw this poem until now.

Straight away the title captured me, because I wondered where you would take the poem itself, and what road it would travel.

I really like your layout, and how you give each moment its own space, like it happened, it remained in the past, and then a new moment came up. Only it resulted from the previous moment.

The idea lingers that this is based on an abusive relationship, stemmed from him drinking and being unable to control his words or actions. The line of "zipped up your ribcage" is amazing! I love that. And then there is the promise of no repeat performance which straight away everyone will not believe.

Another line I liked was the heart beat being on shuffle, for me, this represents the anxiety and fear that is always beating fast in your heart, worry and fear for the next moment.

On another note - there is a lot inside this poem which could be taken to mean a self battle, someone battling their own destruction through drink, and what they do to themselves.

Some very powerful images, and a really great write.

congrats on the win.

Congrats.
I looove this.

You left your heartbeat on shuffle,
not knowing what song would describe you.

^^^i really liked that part.

great job