Stamed up window pain
the rain it runs
like tears cutting through a dirty face
its a dirty place
Great start. The imagery here is good, I like the metaphor or the rain being like tears. Though i think 'stamed' should be 'steamed'
Guitars play painful solos
and they play
the sound drifts on a evening breeze
i,m down on my dirty knees
Love this stanza it's my fave. I can imagine you or a man on his dirty knees praying for the thing he wants and a serenading kind of music comes across, one that reminds him of his heartache. 'I,m' should be 'I'm'
The light is fading
this room so dim
i here myself start thinking
i no not where to begin
I also like this stanza because when we have a tormented mins, it's quite difficult to get all the things out that we want to and also hard to get the answers we need/want.
'this room so dim'
I think this line needs and 'is' after room. Also, typo on 'here' it should be 'hear'
a womans voice calling
below my window
and into my pain
The repetition here is great and adds to the pain.