Phil, I really liked this in all it's emotion because it's beautifully written.
If you dig to deep you'll just find the bottom
Of the place where u sit to be unforgotten
The walls will crumble on all of the sides
but its your place to lay and your place to hide
A very powerful opening with a message that says eventually we all go to the Same place and get forgotten anyway no matter what we so in life, I feel anyway.
Your in a place where the sun makes no shadow
the grave may be deep but it feels all to shallow
the moon will hit u in the middle of night
gone in an hour and way out of sight
Another powerful stanza and I feel it means that even in the grave you'll be lonely and I don't mean because you're alone in there.
middle of night
I feel here you need the before night.
if u climb high enough you can see whats forever
sad as hell to sad to be clever
the wind will whip you and shiver your bones
and even in company your alway alone
A powerful ending that says no matter what we're alone.
The only thing I can think of is you is 'u' then 'you' I suggest that you change it so they are all the same so they are all 'u' or 'you'
Wow, I really loved this, GREAT job, I can't wait to read more fo your work, this was outstanding, straight from your heart
7 years ago
I love how you structure this poem the first lines make me think about searching for hidden treasure where it doesn't exist. The next lines are more powerful because you're saying that even in the grave there's emptiness. Your ending is superb because you're summing your thoughts up by saying that no heights or depth can bring relief.