Comfortably numb.

My skin used to glow, my blue
grey eyes - well, they spoke
when silence troubled the souls
of those I carried in my veins.

You tell me it's myself holding
back. I have a choice. To share
or not to share. I repeat each
week that I'm trying while my
knuckles bleed from exertion...
and I know you're right, that I
could do better if I truly chose
to live, but see that's where I am

standing
wavering
on a wire line between existing
and not.

I can let emotions flood me or I
can build the dam. But what or
where do I go when I can summon
nothing? Not even the clouds of
feeling? Not even the atmosphere?

I should be scared.
You should be scared for me.

Because when I'm numb, I drift.
Mentally, I am in a nameless place
where I don't need to breathe and
physically, I wander from home.

I get violent with myself so I can
then still the violence and pain
from trying to feel alive

in a hollow shell where I question my

humanity...