Words beyond the grave

It seemed unreal,
to stand at your gravestone,
see your name marked

I stroked that headstone,
as I did your head
in your days of sickness
I saw your eyes stare back at me
tired... but full of love
I remember that last kiss on the forehead,
the nurses looking at me,
and I leaving you
feeling like I wanted to give you a thousand more,
I felt something was wrong,
but I was tired,
people were looking,
and I didn't kiss you as I wished

I told you how much I missed you
and even before I spoke
my tears blinded my eyes
I didn't dare wipe them away,
That was your job!
You couldn't stand my tears,
they were my weapon against you
and I enjoyed the attention
All I want is to be in your arms once again

You were always in a hurry,
and asked me why I wouldn't let you go
when we embraced,
You asked; "Aren't you satisfied?"
"Never!" I said,
and as long as that last hug lasted,
... It's still not enough,
I wanted it to last a lifetime

I hear your voice,
heard it all along my religious trip
the one you gave me before you died!
"Go!" you said,
and no matter how many times I said I can't
you repeated your request
and so I heard your voice

I heard you as I always did;
"Hun, are you ok?!"
"You're tired"
"Promise me you'll have something to eat"
and I felt my hand slip to my side
Look for the fingers
that filled the spaces between mine

Just like that,
they vanished,
and I heard your words ring in my ears
"If this is how you cry now, while I'm alive,
what will you do after I die...
Please, don't cry when I go"
... "I can't"
I said
and you wiped my tears,
dove into my eyes,
started to laugh, and said;
"just a little then..."
and even that is a promise I can't keep.

** For my husband, Hussain, who passed away on 26th of April 2016... You will always be remembered, and you will always be in my heart