Giving Up

I spend a lot of time
Sitting listless on this shelf
Wondering what my worth is
Confused about myself

What could I have done better?
How did I go so wrong?
Why do I have to be this way?
Where do I belong?

He and him and them
"I'm the victim in this game"
I want to keep on playing
But it's me I have to blame

I want to trust somebody
I'd like to know what's real
I want to know what love is
Please show me how to feel

But my mistakes are fatal
I've chosen far too wrong
Or maybe it's my own fault
It's been me all along?

I told him all my past hurts
My scars were all exposed
Denying what he offered
So my heart could remain closed

He worked himself in slowly
Inside my tiny cracks
Promising he's different
Soothing, "Shhh, relax."

But here is where I ponder
Just why I let him in
I knew how this would turn out
This is my own sin

I know about this cycle
I know how this one ends
Repeating all the same things
Hoping to make amends

So here is where I shut down
I cannot win this fight
Just because I want it badly
Doesn't mean I'll ever do it right.