I used to love the holidays

I used to love the holidays.

I loved waking at around 5am,
As I put on my fuzzy slippers
And ran to the living room
To see what Santa left for me.

I loved tearing through the presents
And finding a new video game,
Or a new console,
Or (less excitedly) a new sweater.

I used to love the holidays,
When we would go to visit my grandma,
So that we can go out to the beach
And watch as the sun sets.

I remember when
Tia Lorena and I were closer,
And that she would be
Genuinely happy to see me,
Instead of holding a grudge against me
Due to my atheism.

I used to love the holidays.

When I wouldn't fight so much
With my family.

When prices weren't so expensive.

When each Christmas wasn't riddled
With the loss of
Another loved one.

When the ties between myself
And once close friends
Were as tight as ever.

When a lot of extended family members
Would say that they love me,
Instead of sending me messages
That I'm gonna burn forever.

I used to love the holidays.

Now I just tolerate them.