Void

by Nikkicola   Oct 24, 2018


That’s just it isn’t it?

We don’t want to believe that others could suffer.

At least not as much or worse than us

Yet, I’ve come to realize that some people are hanging on by the thinnest thread.

That some people only take deep breaths because they are forgetting to breathe as often….they are smothering.

There’s this unspoken weight that doesn’t just weight you down, no, it’s a heavy burden all of us carry. It’s like forgetting to take the trash out. It’s a permanent bag we sling over our shoulder and try to forget about.

We try to hide it. But it causes us to shift differently than most when something small succeeds in being an inconvenience to us. We don’t want to feel this way….feel. What does that even mean?

We’ve forgot what it feels like to feel, I mean really feel. We’ve got this wound that keeps ripping apart at the seams. Stitches and bandages don’t help. It’s cut to the very core of our existence and we’ve been bleeding out since.

Last week I was trying to resituate the bag I’ve slung over my shoulder only to realize I’d left who I was behind a few weeks prior. My dreams are bleeding out of me and I haven’t even noticed.

Dreams? I’ve forgot what that means. I dream to get out of bed without this weight pulling me, sucking me back down against it.

I’ve been dancing around the void for a while now, fighting when it starts to pull me in. Why? Why am I still fighting. It seems much easier to let it swallow my entire being.

My body is fighting itself. The things I know, the things I want to forget. My demons won’t stop peeking around the corner. They laugh at me while I carry this weight.

Some days, like today I find ways to silence them. I’ve found some people that will help me carry this weight. I feel something familiar start to emerge. Something I thought I had left behind.

A smile?

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    This piece presents such pain yet a willingness to acknowledge that everyone has their bag to carry. The struggle between trying to carry it well but feeling that it was impossible. Then towards the end a glow of light and at the close a smile. Its always nice when reading dark pieces to find a glimmer of hope at the end. Milly x