Because of you

As I lay my head on my pillow
my mind starts to billow
outwards with thoughts of the past;
with thoughts of you.

My brain fills and spills outwards while my eyes
begin to water like waves in the ocean reflecting dark skies;
I think of all that you've done to me;
everything that has ripped my soul apart inside.

Yet somehow I still come back to loving you.
I come back begging for forgiveness and approval too.
And every time it ends up the same
with my brain drained and my heart shattered in a million pieces.

When this happens people look at me saying its my fault
that I made you hate me so much that you assault
my body and my mind maybe not directly
but don't fool yourself.

I have fought for who I am.
I have beaten myself into this protective clam.
Its because of you that I refuse to come out, and honestly
its because of you, that I can't move on.