Now I'm thinking of the book called Who stole my cheese while I'm certain it wasn't baised on that book it would have been nice lol nice and short poem it was lovely to read
2 years ago
When writing a short poem, It is very difficult to tell your story within only a few words, and you seem to be one of only a few people who can do so. I always wonder how long it takes a person to come up with a witty poem like this, because everything has to flow well to make it work, and it is possible you tried to use many possibilities to fit what you wanted to say- but either way this one does the job you probably wanted it to do. haha. I know you have edited your title at least once, but this one fits perfectly IMO.
Again I love when a poem makes me look up a new word and I had NO idea what stilton meant, let alone knowing it was a type of cheese. so you have changed the title to fit the poem well. I do love warm in the title as well because it compliments the title and poem well, it seems like you wanted to have the reader think about something gross, and warm cheese in all it's glory (for better or worse) is gross haha.
I am a sucker for short poetry that packs a punch. and this one is humorous but as I said you managed to actually tell a story in 8 syllables. and something I don't know if anyone noticed but I love how you snuck the poem into 8 words as well, which I think is very clever. Now this is clever because the saying is when people take their shoes off for the day, it reminds them of cheese, and if cheese has been sitting out too long it becomes stinky. I can imagine this person had been walking around all day or at least have been on their feet all day, and I also imagine that it is hot/summer time where they are, so that adds to the odor. which makes the poem even more perfect.
The only thing I personally stumbled on a tiny bit, is the word "came", and maybe it is just in my mind but it always reads better as "come", but that is just a small nitpick, to an otherwise well written poem.