thin air

by Star   Dec 11, 2020


the sky closes her eyes
and you feel your body
paralyzed

your tears streaming
down your face
to meet the cold air

the clouds pass
through you,

you almost feel them
wrapping around
your bare feet

yet you lose them
to the void beneath

every breath you take
feels heavier;

until

you're no longer
floating

but

the stars are burning
and you feel their heat
caressing your face

5


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Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by Jane Do-Re-Mi

    This is lovely. I really enjoyed the dream-like feel this gave me. It was like lying in the sun on a summers day when you're not quite asleep yet not quite awake either.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you Jane!!

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I like the formatting on this so much, it really gives even more impact to your voice. You also give a lot of movement to things and personification. The sky closing her eyes made me think she is now shut off from you. There are no open skies to give you hope or help you see the other side. Everything is crowded and dark. The clouds passing through reminded me of ghosts, and you even lose sight of them, and there is only the void, the heaviness of the air.

    The ending lines are stunning. You mentioned the cold air in the second stanza, and now, there's almost a welcoming moment from the stars. You need the heat, and even though you may be too close to them, and it will end in tragedy, you can only acknowledge their warmth right now. I thought it was very telling that you separated "but" and the implication of "you're no longer floating" to signify catastrophe, to find this heat that you needed momentarily. Even if you won't be able to breathe.

    So much depth in this, I will keep re-reading!

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you MA <3

  • 1 month ago

    by Scott Cole

    Nominated

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you that means a lot!

  • 1 month ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I do appreciate the format of this piece.
    To me this felt like a dream or a journey where the deeper you sleep the higher you float/ move onto the next level.
    Small typo on line 4.
    Take care.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      typo corrected! Thank you so much!!

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