Working Mother

by Vanessa Lea   Dec 17, 2020

As you wake for the day
I search for myself in the folds of your chubbiness
Although you are a thousand dreams come true
I feel dread in the day ahead and the fatigue I suffer as payment for your smiles
For you have become my master and I your slave
But in a thousand lifetimes, a million years, I wouldn't have it any other way.

You smile and laugh in the morning but I tire before the day has even begun
Protests at getting dressed while I wrestle tiny limbs into rompers pain my heart
Laughter for the raspberries I blow onto your belly
I pack your bag for someone else to have the joy of your giggles
But all I get for now are tears as you go into the car.

I watch you reach for another while it was only moments ago you reached for me
And I go to work,
Another day of mindless tasks with your little face in every corner of my thoughts
You are such a part of me that my heart longs although I am thankful for the break
Guilt, guilt, guilt for I cannot provide for you without leaving you.

The closing of the day comes and although you are my greatest joy
I fantasise for a moment that maybe I could just go home without you
Then I remember those folds of your limbs, your eyelashes and grins
The flapping arms of excitement and joy when I come to you
My heart swells as we embrace, the sun begins to set and I cry inside for all that I might have missed.

My exhaustion a small price to pay as you smear puree in your eyebrows at dinner
I curse under my breath as you refuse bed but soften as you reach for my face in the darkness
You fade, cuddling your pink monkey and my heart breaks again and I lay you in your cot, alone
Only to repeat mindless tasks of the home until I finally rest my eyes.

Calls in the night startle me awake as I pat your tiny bottom and yearn to crawl up next to you
Your warmth in my arms as you seek the comfort of my heartbeat and soft kisses on your brow
The time passes so quickly yet so slowly at the same time
Then the morning comes and I break a little as we do it all again.


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