Me In April (tricube)

by Ben Pickard   May 10, 2021


spring's bluebells
carpet the
forest floor

daffodils
make last push
for the sun

happiness
has never
been closer

--

Ben Pickard 2021

*tricube = three stanzas. Each
stanza is one sentence made up
of three lines which each consist
of three syllables. Inspired by Keira
who posted one recently.

4


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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Interesting form! Have to try it, well penned.

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    This is absolutely beautiful and full of lovely imagery. I feel it may symbolise more but I cannot put my hand on it.... Take care,
    Em x

    • 2 years ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks, Em.

  • 2 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Reading this reminds me of recent walks through bluebell woods. I tried to capture the swathes of deep indigo but my camera phone failed. Still, if I need reminding, I'll just come back here.

    As for the use of lowercase throughout. It is often used and sometimes to good effect. Less is more? I'm sure you've tried a mixture with this and feel lowercase is better. Without this benefit, I may have attempted capitalising Spring, Daffodil and Happiness. Spring because it is a season and the first word of this poem. Daffodil because it stamps the beginning of a new sentence and so nicely dispenses with a full stop. Happiness because it highlights how 'happy' April makes you feel. In the 2nd stanza, would this offer improvement:

    Daffodils
    give their all
    for the sun

    Just my thoughts, always nice to read your work.
    Take care.

    • 2 years ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Interesting thoughts, Michael. All I would say though is that, contrary to popular belief, the seasons shouldn't be capitalized. But I certainly see your other points. I only ever use lower case throughout in somthing I regard as a 'delicate' write, otherwise, I'm a traditionalist all the way!

  • 2 years ago

    by Keira Pickard

    Really lovely. I like how you didn't capitalize the letters, but I think that maybe punctuate the end of each sentence to make it clear that they're three different sentences?
    I love the opening stanza, as it gives you lovely imagery of a sea of blue/purple bluebells underneath dappled sunlight in a wood. I like the use of 'carpet' in it, as it makes it seem like a seamless covering. I also liked the alliteration of 'forest floor'.
    I smiled at the mention of daffodils 'pushing for the sun', as it makes them seem determined to grow.
    The final stanza was lovely and refreshing. April is one of my favourite months, the very beginning of summer. But there's a typo on the word 'happiness'. I don't think that you need the e after the i and before the n, although I might be wrong :)
    Truly beautiful nature tricube

    • 2 years ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Keira, for your suggestions and typo spot.
      Love, Dad

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