”Whisper”

by Star   Jun 22, 2021


yet again I find
myself facing the wall,
the door and the nerve plant.
for once I hoped my thoughts
would settle just on them,
I squint to keep focus
on the pink and red
veined leaves.
but my heart
palpitated,
as if it felt
something
supernatural.
my confused cough
disturbed
the silence,

it found me again.

6


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Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by Em

    Hello Star,
    The title 'whisper' felt really interesting and for me it pulled me in as I wanted to see what was going on, why were you whispering in the first place and I actually whispered the title. I hope you don't mind how I break it down, it's just for my reference really.

    yet again I find
    myself facing the wall,
    the door and the nerve plant.
    ^
    This made me Ponder as to why you find yourself facing these things, it makes me think islf it's a punishment or you yourself wanted to look at these for a change of scenery; I truly hope it's the latter as I have been there with abuse having to face something or be placed somewhere as a form of punishment and it's awful to live through although thankfully I'm out of that long relationship but my mind still plays tricks on me sometimes still.

    for once I hoped my thoughts
    would settle just on them,
    I squint to keep focus
    on the pink and red
    veined leaves.
    ^
    To me this part made me feel this whole piece related to depression as you wanted to take your mind off things and the use of 'squint to keep focus' also made me believe that you're trying your hardest to keep your thoughts on these somewhat beautiful things; the plant atleast. I feel a sense of being terrified here as though something bad could be about to happen but I guess that's because of my experience.

    but my heart
    palpitated,
    as if it felt
    something
    supernatural.
    ^
    This made me gasp for breath and wonder what exactly you felt to think it be supernatural, it peaked my interest and kept me intrigued.

    my confused cough
    disturbed
    the silence,
    ^
    I like the image of your cough being confused and disturbing the silence here and still I'm feeling an intense interest here.

    it found me again.
    ^
    I love this ending, it's like you've been trying to run and hide but you can run not hide from this thing that is following you, I say this just because of the ending.

    Absolutely loved the lay out like Ben and Michael. Well done on this one and good luck for the week ahead.
    Stay safe Em xx
    Ps sorry I sent the original by mistake before I'd finished haha

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Really great comment Em, and no this isnt related to abuse. I’m really glad you’re out of that relationship.
      I didnt see the comment before lol
      Really glad you loved this, thank you!!

  • 1 month ago

    by Em

    Double post

  • 1 month ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Like Ben, I like the formatting. I wonder if you were trying to form a shape. I have to confess, I don't know what it is. I even looked at some pictures of the nerve plant! Lol
    The poem brought me some uncomfortable memories. As a child I'd have to stand in a corner with my hands on my head, looking at the wallpaper. Punishment, eh!? Your poem has a nice mysteriously dark ending. Well done.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      No it’s not a specific shape, it looked like this by coincidence, I thought it was interesting so I left it as it is.
      Also I’m sorry if I triggered anything.

      Thank you so much :)

  • 1 month ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Love this and your formatting is a joy. I have to admit to being a little unnerved by the end.

    All the best

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you :)

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