A Ghost's Story [Collab with Star]

by hiraeth   Jul 16, 2021


Around three in the morning
your soul was still fluttering
right around the corner
of the freshly paved street,
while the stagnant air
reeked with uncertainty.

Across the street,
a mural was painted in
your honour, flowers that
used to adorn the
traffic pole have long faded.

There was still more to your story,
so you keep haunting that day
playing it on repeat,,
treading the steps of every
passerby, all the while
I keep feeling your warm hand
holding mine.

The smell of lilies fill the air once more,
they gently remind me that death is
permanent, our time in the physical
realm is temporary and you’ve moved on,

but why can I still hear your voice in the
corridors?

Why can I still hear your car
pull into the driveway at six pm sharp
every day?

Why do I still believe in the white
of the flowers?

And that maybe next spring
you’ll bloom again...

--

Collab with Star: https://www.poems-and-quotes.com/poets/507201

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Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by Kate

    This is wonderfully written.

    Sometimes with collabs you can tell what each author has written, like some sort of disconnect between the lines. They blur effortlessly here, but still hold the unique touch of each of you.

    The story itself is beautiful, the tone throughout quite haunting. The flow is wonderful, pauses placed perfectly between the different thoughts, the questions posed at the end. Fantastic.

  • 2 months ago

    by Rayven

    Genuinely one of the best worded and story collaborations I have read in my time on here. I'm not going to break down each line as I couldn't do the poem a justification it richly deserves.

    One small thing to point out is at the end of the 3rd line in the 3rd stanza there are two commas. I personally think it would read better with no commas, but I just wanted to point out the small typo.

    The first impression I get with the poem itself is loss or grief. When you use soul as a word that's the first thing. The second thing I often see in poetry (and it's not a bad thing) is using a time early in the early morning to convay emotions. All of this combined makes for a great set up to the poem itself. But what is the sadness about? That should be answered in the next stanza and you did so well.

    The plot really hits the reader in the gut because most people have experienced death in their lives. The imagery here is great as well, and it tells me a lot the death occurred when someone was unexpectedly hit. This person was extremely young because you used the wording there was more to your story.

    The rest of the poem ends well. Lilies were their favorite flower. The spot the accident happened was walked often by you two. The ending hits hard because you replay their routine over and over. It's a PTSD cycle which tells me one thing: the person still alive watched it happen and has survivors guilt.

    An absolute masterclass in writing.

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