Summertime delusions

I’m laying flat on my bed
Making friends with the shadows
Half formed thoughts are swarming my head
Snapshot memories flash back and forth

I’m trapped within the four walls of my room
Stuck brooding, in my own gloom
I’m trying hard not to fall
But I’m drowning in a cold gray sea
Falling into my memories
The tears devour me

I’m back in that summer
I thought I’d left behind
Emotions I’ve tried to deny,
Are seeping back into my mind

Harmless games, a stolen kiss
I see your face; I can taste your lips
I want to freeze that moment
Hold it close for as long as I dare

But the memory is fast turning bitter,
You eyes pleading with mine, to stay
I give a shrug, and walk away
Small mistakes can change our lives
The emptiness feels like a thousand knives

The bittersweet melody fades away
The soft music of the violins strains
I feel my nails digging into my face
I’m still in my room. Staring into vacant space

I look outside
And I can see
The world cloaked in the hues
Of a perfect midsummer afternoon
The feckless blue sky
The birds flying by….
Leaves me in a state of confusion
Is this reality?
Or is it yet another summertime delusion!