Grim

by Lance Hardy   Oct 8, 2004


It comes for us all,
Whether you’re big or small.
It doesn’t care,
You’re just its fare.

I stared it down the other day,
Ready for what it had to say.
I wanted to go, my life is done,
I wasn’t happy, I had no fun.

It told me to stay my hand,
Things will change, with the passing of sand.
Its words were empty, but I couldn’t go,
I must push forward, carrying my woe.

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My first poem, feedback would be appreciated.

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by Andrea

    that's really good for your first poem!

  • 19 years ago

    by natasha

    whoa. made me think. loved it.

  • 19 years ago

    by Aken Sol

    Agree with Sean. I really liked the thingy with the sand in the last stanza. Drwe dark images... good job :-)
    Aken Sol

  • 19 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    I think it got better as it went along. I thought the first stanza had very short lines, so the rhyme scheme was very apparent and obvious, and it sorta made it feel too monotonous. but the last stanza had longer lines, which made it so you felt the flow of the words, which was great.

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