I Have Given Up

I have given up on life,
i have had enough of having to find happiness within a knife,
it got to be too much for me to handle,
i have blown out what is left of the flame on my life's candle.

I have given up on my friends,
each and every friendship winds up coming to a drastic end,
i am sick of them using me to get what they want and then leaving me behind in the dust,
left with nothing but the mere memory, so forget them i must.

I have given up on my family,
i can't handle all of these fights and tormenting words and life itself really,
they have taken away everything that makes me happy,
and left me nothing but the pure satisfaction of knowing that they have won in making my life end crappy.

I have given up on my schooling,
what is the point of doing it when it is life versus death and death is over-ruling,
it will not help me succeed much,
because everything i do i end up failing with a fuss.

I have given up on the laughter,
what good will it do me to remember it after?
i have to leave it behind me,
as i end my life's final journey.

I have given up on the tears,
washed away everything from throughout the years,
my final minutes on earth are enfolding around my body,
and nobody is here to help me....nobody.

I have given up on trying,
because in the end, no matter what happens, i am the one who ends up crying,
i am always second best,
and it looks like that is how my life ends as i put myself to rest.

I have given up on the pleasure,
to life's standards, i just can not measure,
i have always been the one to tease,
to the devil i was left begging on my knees.

I have given up on the pain,
all that was making me happy was seeing my own blood drain,
well my veins are ice-cold and empty now,
are you happy? Why don't you f u c k i n g take a bow?

I have given up on the ones that i love,
these last months were my final shove,
slowly but surly,
i fell under the devils spell and ended my life in complete and udder misery.

I have given up on my dreams,
everyone was ganging up on me in teams,
i was left with no one to turn to,
no one to lend a shoulder for me to cry on and i did not know what to do.

I have given up on wishing upon stars,
no peace ever comes from wars,
i wish i may i wish i might,
just did not work for me tonight.

I have given up on promises,
i was left with no one to trust but the depression pills subscribed by my pharmacist,
no one ever stuck to their side of the agreement,
each and every failed promise, left my heart to dent.

I have given up on the pinky swears,
because in the end, i finally realized that no one cares,
you can act like you care for me but in the end,
your the one who will feel guilty for all your mistakes that caused one innocent person to put their life to an end.

I have given up on trying to break down the wall that covers my heart,
with this world, i no longer want to take part,
all this anger and resentment bubbled up inside,
but slowly, just like me, it died.

I have given up on trying to gain back my soul,
the one thing that would help to make me feel whole,
there is a piece of me missing,
to come back, it is hissing.

I have given up on wearing my fake smile,
it is just another piece of shit that belongs to a different pile,
it wasn't helping me much pretending to be someone else,
my heart is left to wonder without a pulse.

I have given up on trying to find my way out of life's maze,
as i turn one last time to my razor blade,
my one and only last trusted friend,
and just like the rest of you, he helped me put my life to an end.

© Jenna Ellphick
February 22, 2005