Choking...

I cannot keep holding this in.
Too much is going on now.
I want to say what I’m feeling.
I need to spit these words out.

Now suddenly I feel breathless.
I’m not even able to shout.
I’m trying to speak this time.
As I look at myself I pout.

Here writing all this down.
Thoughts rush into my mind.
Hard enough saying this aloud.
I know I’m slowly dying inside.

This pain took my breath away.
From me you will not hear a sound.
I wish someone could save me today.
But I might be too lost to be found.

I’m tired of the hidden secrets.
And so tired of the made up lies.
If only someone could hear me screaming.
And wipe away the tears I cry at night.

It’s been 10 months I’ve felt this way.
And my heart still has not stopped bleeding.
My whole life has almost completely changed.
I am surprised that on this day I’m still breathing.

I've pleaded to not have to take this anymore.
But I guess my dear god knows what is best.
Learning about life hurting me down to the core.
Each day I wonder what could be next….