Fifteen Candles

Fifteen candles placed upon a birthday cake,
each representing another mistake,
from the first candle to the very last,
i just can not seem to let go of the past.

Candle number one...the year that i was born,
with that date set upon December twenty seventh nineteen eighty nine many hearts were torn,
i was a mistake i never should have been born into this cruel and unforgiving world,
but the doctor lifts his mask off of his mouth and says congratulations..you have given birth to a beautiful baby girl.

Candle number two...my second year on earth,
after me, my parents did not want to have another birth,
they took me out and tried to make me laugh,
and late at night they would watch me splash around in my bubble bath.

Candle number three....i have made it three years,
late at night out would come my tears,
all i wanted was for my mom and dad to hold me and rock me to sleep,
and until they did i would sit in my bed and weep.

Candle number four...i made friends with the neighbors children,
from each other we were taught and learned,
childs laughter playing in the park,
bedtime came before dark.

Candle number five...my first day of school,
i tried so hard to fit in and be cool,
made some new friends,
hoped and wished that the friendships would never end.

Candle number six...i went into grade one,
for me learning was so much fun,
i loved the numerical system and the alphabet,
we even got our first pet.

Candle number seven...i started to feel out of place,
i wanted so bad to end this vigorous race,
but i held my head up high and stuck around hoping things would get better then they are,
this was the first year that i ever wished upon a star.

Candle number eight...things still did not improve much,
but i was still growing up what was the rush?
life was passing me by so fast, i was already in grade three,
the last year of learning the ABC's.

Candle number nine...the first year that someone had ever teased me,
i cried for hours on end and prayed every night at the edge of my bed kneeling down upon my knees,
he had no right to say what he did,
i wanted so bad to believe that it was just a fib.

Candle number ten...another grade up but still feeling like shit,
nothing i ever did seemed to fit,
i have been trying since then to improve my ways,
but seem to fail something new each day.

Candle number eleven...the year i had my first kiss,
i was so glad i did not end it at candle number seven because i did not want to miss this,
when it happened it seemed like time stood still and everything around me slowly faded away,
but then the summer ended and we left and i have not heard from him since that day.

Candle number twelve...i started high school and thought it would be great,
to make new friends i could not wait,
it turned out to be the worst year ever,
i had to say bye to one of my best friends but we had a promise to stay friends forever.

Candle number thirteen...i had my first taste of alcohol on Christmas eve,
the memory of this was one that would never leave,
this year i made too many mistakes and in my heart there is plenty of regret,
this year is one that i will never forget.

Candle number fourteen...September comes and everything goes bad,
i forget all the happiness that i once had,
i lose everything that i love and it is still not going to end,
for my heart i would need a mend.

Candle number fifteen...this will be the last one that i will blow out,
all of my life i have been trying to figure out what the meaning of life was all about,
but i now realize that we are living to die,
so now i blow out the candle and say good-bye.

© Jenna Elphick
March 13, 2005