Let It Flow

While i sit and write this my eyes begin to water
because i know Ive let you down
a sinking feeling
i just don't know what to say

so many days you had hoped to embrace me
tell me everything is going to be OK
IL get through
but this time you weren't there
i knew the day would come
I'm so naive, but have been hurt so much
that i had to grow up
now the time has come

so many words, taunts, evil putrid words,
my thoughts bunched together numb to self harm
but exposed to the monsters that live inside

i wanted to be strong
a warrior, hero
strengthened by what has happened
but it has managed to dig me so deep
i wont be coming out the other side
this will be my final goodbye my end

i lie alone, wounded by this world
bare and naked they stripped my skin off,
freak . . lonely gazing eyes
knowing that this pain has consumed my heart
crushed all feelings of love replaced by spite
pure and innocent once a child
now a thing used then dis-guarded

if only i could say all i want to
but everyone had to get involved
now I'm going to leave them to it
my body damaged left ad waste
ugly and harmed just recycled, replaced

friends are forever and so is my love
to guide you through all that hurts
all pain inflicted and isolated days
the padded walls a comfort space
to eat is to be fed
and to imagine is to think
happiness comes to those all shapes and sizes
those not afraid of its touch

one final embrace
i just wish it was real
the comfort and relief
two feelings never there when needed
no one understands, they only heard what they wanted
to be involved made it complicated
i was the problem they all hated
i want to sleep for ever and be at peace
i want to laugh and joke
nothing fake
all true heart spirit and soul
if only i could see the light
the shining stars the burning light above my head

Ive tried my best
its never enough
never satisfied with what i do
but my goodbye shall be short and sweet
your note is long i owe you that
i leave a poem, my heart poured into it,
my soul released
tears of blood sealed with a kiss
goodbye my last words
as it tears my wrist.

© Copyright J.A.