My mind is playing

by Patrik   Aug 5, 2005


My mind is playing,
Thoughts are running,
You're so stunning,
I see you laughing,
My life is crashing.

With that humming,
My mind is playing,
Will you be going,
Or will you be staying,
There's no way of knowing.

There's no revealing,
The secrets you're thinking,
My mind is playing,
While you're drinking,
It's feels like I'm shrinking.

It's feels so filling,
Even a bit thrilling,
But it's me you're killing,
My mind is playing,
As I see you leaving.

I don't see the meaning,
In your way of acting,
Maybe it's redeeming,
In your senseless slaying,
While my mind is playing.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by InMyWorld

    i like the way this one was written, but it seems as if with this style of writing, it would be better if it was shorter. i definitely love your stanzas though, the flow and the way you tie everything together and explain what you're saying in the poem. overall very good.

    take care
    Sara

  • 18 years ago

    by JussxAxNobody

    Not the greatest. It could use some work. the 'ing's was a little distracting for me. i'm not sure why. It was alright. Keep on keepin on Pat. ~Drew

  • 18 years ago

    by Britney

    Great job.. liked the flow of it! Um don't see any improvements that need to be made.. it all went together nice and smoothly. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by bucky

    wow well done on this poem very good flow ... 5/5 and i mean good flow

  • 18 years ago

    by ChaoticStreamOfLife

    this is really good . . . and thank you so much for your comment it was so sweet

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