Die Crying

I used to wonder,
How deep I'd cut
And how much I'd bleed
Until someone,
Would stop me.

Now--
I pick up the blade,
And wonder,
How long will your words--
Keep me strong?
How long will I see your face--
And put the blade away?

I once knew the answer,
But then again--
You were there,
Helping me.

Now--
I'm not sure.

It's getting harder to hear your voice.
Harder to see your face.

I used to wonder,
If anyone cared.
And if anyone loved me.
If anyone did,
Wouldn't they stop me?

Now--
I know there's someone.
I know your there,
But it's getting harder--
To not let the pain
Bleed away.

I know I must live,
For your sake.
I know you love me,
But how long,
Will it keep me safe?

I dream
Of standing on a cliff,
And falling.
No one's there to catch me,
No one even sees.

I don't want
The dream to become real.

I want
To stand beside you
On our wedding day.
I want
To make you proud
Of our children I bring to this world.
I want
To make you proud
Of me
For being strong.
And surviving.

I don't want
To die crying.