Sorry is never Enough (explains why I am tainted)

This is my story, about me and my boyfriend, or rather my ex. He was really great to me all in all, we just made a lot of bad decisions together, decisions we still pay for today. This is our story, written back when I was still in love with him and revised over time. I don\'t think I am in love with him anymore, but I still care about him about a person. Just a great guy making some dumb choices in life.

A boy and a girl met one day
And started talking by saying hey
They both like music and songs
So of course it wasn't too long
Before they became reliable friends
But this is not where the story ends
I assure you this is not fairy tale
Because it's happy ending did soon fail

This tale tells the truth about a knife
And how it slowly destroyed this girl's life
Its malignant poison cut if half
All her smiles and her laughs
It severed her trust and care
Replacing them with pain and scare

This boy didn't know what to do
Because the knife was once his story too
He loved this girl so very much
Yet her actions were as such
That they damaged his heart
To see her arm so very torn apart
This addiction he begged her to drop
The cutting he pleaded her to stop
But she saw life in a darker view
Than the one that she once knew

He continued to love her still
Even though she was like a drill
That went deep in him, spreading pain
Slowly steadily driving him insane
He would stay up long into the night
Praying to God she'd be all right
Because he was so worried about her
And of her condition he was unsure
He felt sick with worry and with fear
While still giving her a listening ear
As she sat there with him to confide
Her secret thoughts of suicide

He would wipe away her tears
As she exploded with all her fears
And he always gave a helping hand
And gave her his strength to stand
But helping her was a great personal cost
Because a part of himself was now lost
As a result of taking on her pains
He could never again be the same

And of course she was too blind to see
That because of her pain he,
Created new ways to cope with life himself
By taking an old friend off his past's shelf
Deep in their hearts they understood
The wrongs of retreating to a knife
They say they were just running away
Instead of actually dealing with life
Time pasted and the events remained the same
Each one taking upon themselves the blame

In time they finally talked about
The methods they had used to get out
Of the pains they harbored deep inside
And the feelings they tried in vain to hide
In response he said to her, "It's up to you
You can choose the actions we pursue
I promise I will be here for you no matter what
Not with any ifs, nor with a but."

She embraced him and with an agonizing cry
Announced her final heart-felt goodbye
To both her poisonous silver leech of a blade
And to their relationship, intending it to fade

This conclusion broke his fragile core
And left her bloody, raw and endlessly sore
When they gave up on one another
They lost a portion of themselves
She hoped that one day he could see
The horrors there would certainly be
If they had continued on with such a life
So encompassed and tainted by her knife

Every night since those retched days
She kneels beside her bed, cries and prays
A plea for the scars that will never heal
And for her hunger to be able to feel
She can't see what the future will hold
But she has decided now to life and grow old
Using the rest of her time attempting to repent
For all the years of her life ill-spent

Her sorry will never, can't ever be enough
And their roads ahead will be very rough
Both teens forever changed, forever distorted
And her always haunted for the deeds she did
Hopefully he will one day be able to see
Why his separation from her had to be
They were going down a dead-end road
Carrying a far too heavy, taxing load
For love she had to let their relationship die
It would be harmful to them to give it another try
All accredited to this small chapter of her life.
Now forever tainted by a simple silver knife