A Heart Drowned In Vodka

She steps out to the cruel and unforgiving world
Every morning, doing the same routine
She paints on her face, plasters on a smile
Practices poises in the mirror
She smiles for those with expectations oh so high
She cries for those her hurt her so
She laughs for those who actually care
And dies for those who don't
Her sweet revenge will come someday upon you all
Slowly but surely she will pay off her debt to society
All the disgusting looks shot at her
All the bewildered glances thrown her way
They all crawl into her mind and gnaw away
The thumping memories play over and over
The blood seeping out through her veins
She drowns her sorrows in the canteen of wine
Because she remembers the smell of vodka on her dad's breath
To turn out like him would be a mistake, a sin
But she is already well on her way.
She dresses herself up in the mini skirts and short shirts
Fishnet stockings and stilettos to top it all off
Her blond hair draping over her bare shoulders
As she stands on the corner in the pouring rain.
Tears streaming from her blue eyes
Hands shaking at the thought of what she has become.
Raised in a home so dysfunctional and un-ordinary
Brought her to her knees this night
She had taken too many wrong turns on her journey through life
And she was caught doing 180 on a one way street to nowhere.
Her baby boy cries for her at home, wailing in his crib
His mom is nowhere to be found by the neighbors
They search through the messy rooms one by one
But they will not find her there
She is in some random strangers car
Doing what she can to provide for her son
This will be the last night that she throws her life away like she is
She has sworn it all off, it is all over now
She finishes her dirty deed and takes the money
She turns down an alley way to a liquor store
Grabs a bottle of vodka and throws her money down on the counter
"Your change miss!" the clerk calls out to her
She turns and looks as tears leak from her eyes
She opens the door and goes down the alley way
She goes to the park, sits on the bench
Watches the clouds roll by
The wind is howling in her ears, and the rains is coming down upon her
Drenching the filth that she is
She opens the bottle of vodka and drowns her heart
But as the neighbors call the cops
The sirens are blaring by
Looking for a women that had nothing left to do
She looks to the sky and tells the angels that she is sorry
As she pulls the gun to her head and hits the trigger
The sound echoes through the neighborhood
As lights turn on in the houses around
Dogs start barking and people come out of their houses
People find her, buried in her own lies
As she lies in her pool of blood
The same disgusting looks that she got day after day
Embedded onto their superficial lips
But when the cops investigate the case
If they look under the pillow in her room
They will find her explanation why..
"I am sorry for those that I have hurt
I am sorry for those that have hurt me
Your words turned me to the brink of destruction
I drown my sorrows in the wine
But tonight I will drown my life away in the vodka
I saved this gun for when I thought it would be the right time
But I could not hold out any longer
So do not judge me for who you think I am, or how I dress
Judge me now that I took the cowards way out.
Look after my son, he needs someone responsible in his life
I am not the right one to take care of him.
I love you all, and I will be watching you
Take care"
He read out at the funeral
But only one person attended,
Her baby boy laying at the preachers feet.

© Jenna Elphick
March 20, 2006