Alone to cut

As i sit here alone,
in this dark unholy place.
my thoughts run.
my thoughts race.

should i do it?
should i grab it right now?
slice up my arm,
and try to end it all?

it's like its beckoning me,
beckoning me to cut.
its just sitting there all shiny and new.

cut i know better.
my conscious is telling me to move.
i need to throw it away.
go run and write.
tell someone about this pain inside.

but i cant,
i just sit here
watching it with all its luster.

my thoughts then float back,
to all those memories of you.
what you did
why i hurt,
and why I'm being called right now.

the blade finally gets the Best of me,
i grab it and cut my skin

the blood flows out,
a crimson red.
its just reminding me that I'm not dead
at least,
not yet.

so i cut a little deeper,
wanting it all to end.
to cover up my pain,
and make me forget.

you did this to me,
i hate you.
you hurt me,
so i hurt myself.
now I'm laying on the floor.
i guess i FINALLY went deep enough.