Disparaître

I've tried so hard, So many times
To write down what I feel
But I never guessed how It'd come out
This pain, it can't be real

More than simple stabbing pains
Or the agony of a knife in your back
This is the ache of a hatred
That's only use is to hold you back

I've really tried to see the bright side
The one with the rainbows and clouds
But I've blinded myself with the sunshine
And become deafened with such positive sounds

I'm just not destined to be happy
I understand that now
I guess I should just detach myself
And watch my life unfold

Staying here 50 more years?
I don't see me here in 5
For my motivations fading
I'd simply prefer to die

I have no one who I can talk too
In no one to confide
I never thought I needed too
Till I saw no one by my side

I always feel I have to apologize
For simply being me
Making it through, day by day
Is harder than I thought it could be

So alone I stand against it all
Even though it's not all that much
And with only self loathing in my corner
I know it's simply not enough

I'm scared to go on living
My nerves are shot to hell
But maybe this is the trial run
And even with death, this hell wont end

-Thanks to Ruby, for the first time in days I can breathe, and you help just by talking to me, about randomness!-